Out The Door
by amarthaine
Summary: Almost five years after he left her, Hermione finally feels that she can tell Ginny what happened in the process of her meeting Malfoy for the first time after school, falling in love, and everything that led up to that fateful day when he disappeared for
1. So Far Down The Road

**Out The Door**

**Chapter 1 – So Far Down The Road**

_By amarthaine_

Walking aimlessly around the apartment, the young lady touched certain objects with a fondness not seen often before jerking her hand back and willing back the tears that formed in her eyes. Everything held a wonderful memory – a laugh or a smile thrown her way. But those were accompanied by those darker memories – those days when nothing was going right and they fought constantly.

But their fighting shouldn't have led to what it did. She repeated that over and over in her head. But it had. She was alone in her apartment – a nice apartment. True enough. But just yesterday they had been getting a long better than ever – and she woke up that morning to find him gone. Like smoke. He vanished. He left a small note, and she still held in clenched in her hands, a note that she would never throw away.

_Hermione,_

_I know you won't understand, but I have to leave. Move on and forget me – you can easily find someone to love and who will love you back._

That was it. Just a simple note with no purpose but telling her he was gone. A reminder she had to look at every thirty minutes to remind her. She had woken up in one of his over large shirts – and she still had it on. The sleeves came too far past her hand, but she kept it to her face, inhaling his scent, trying to remember what he smelled like. She never wanted to forget. It had become a part of her. A smell she smelled every single morning.

It seemed her memories were already fading, so mentally, she was digging a hole and throwing the memories in as fast as she could. Each object she touched brought back a memory she tossed in to the bottomless pit, whether it was good or bad. Everything had to be saved for a time when she could look back at it all and think through it clearly. A time that fate had thrown so far in the future, that each piece of her would crumble and rebuild itself in a hazardous remake of the former girl.

**Almost Five Years Later**

Sometimes I wonder if he ever looks back and wonders what would have been with us. I do. Almost every day of my life, I look back and wish I could have changed an answer so he would still be here. But between our attitudes, I still don't know if that ever could have been. We argued so much and neither of us would ever give in. But we still had that spark of something. Those times when the room seemed to be filled with charged electricity – those are the times I like to remember. When he would carefully stroke my cheek and tell me we would always be together.

But he lied to me.

He turned around and left me one day. No explanation. I just found a letter, telling me to move on and fall in love again. As if love was something I could buy from some random stranger in the street. I'm sure for him it was possible. He was who he was. But I'm not like that. I've never been like that. I don't have the money and I probably never will. When I had gone down the next day to pay the rent on my apartment – a place I knew I'd never be able to keep, it was too nice. He'd always helped with that. But I discovered that the apartment had been paid for five years solid.

Those five years are almost up.

I'm only doing this for you Ginny. I want you to know it tears me apart inside to never be able to tell you what happened – but I found a way. I've read of people experiencing their pain through writing – telling their story that way. I'm not doing as most do – I'm writing for your eyes only. I want you to remember that. Share what parts you believe are required with Harry, but only because he's like a brother to me.

And remember, I would have been with Ron, but he died. I want you to remember that also. Remember that this could be our story – he could have left just as easily. It wouldn't have taken much. Not near as much as it did for him and me. We had to work so hard – and I really thought we were going to make it.

He would always give me meaningful gifts – whether he bought them or made them. I still have them all, every single one. It turns out he also left a large sum in our join account we had set up – so he still cared about me. But I'm not sure why he left. I hope some day to find out, because till then, I'll never be happy. If he cared enough for me to pay for my apartment in advance and leave me money, he shouldn't have left. But I'm going to stick that he did it for my own good welfare – or at least, he thinks it was in my best interests.

I apologize in advance for any tear drops that appear on this paper – I thought it best to write it by hand. After all, it makes much more personal, and even though the memories will last that much longer, it'll allow me to remember him in a fonder light for a time being. I wish he would come back for me. The bed is so cold at night.

But I've promised myself I can't dwell on the fact anymore. I've missed so much with you and Harry – I missed the birth of your first child, yet you still bothered to name me the Godmother. I thank you for everything you've done – I deserve to tell you an explanation. An explanation that can attempt to describe why I've been there, yet never heard a word you were saying to you. I will always love him, no matter how much my heart was ripped to shreds.

He will always do that though, don't you see? He's grown up like that. He was raised like that. He was like that in high school. He is Draco Malfoy after all.

**Author's Note:** So, I've decided to start this story ) I'd love to hear your feedback on it – what you like, dislike, or what you'd like to see. For the most part, I know what is destined to happen in the end, and some stuff in between is planned, but besides that, I really don't have anything else planned. So leave a review and let me know!!


	2. Run Ins

**Out The Door**

**Chapter 2 – Run Ins**

_By amarthaine_

It all started a year after Ron died – do you remember? We had gone shopping for your wedding clothes when all of the sudden you disappeared on me. I remember the day like it was just yesterday. So I thank you for allowing me to see how much I could love, even if it did hurt in the end.

But I was left in that blasted wedding dress shop; I do curse you for that. The lady was having fun forcing me into bridesmaid dresses – she even had me try on a wedding dress! I was humiliated to say the least, but I finally got out of there. When I got outside, I was looking around frantically for you. Eventually, I ran into someone because I had been craning my neck around a corner at a flash of red hair I'd seen. And lo and behold it was Malfoy.

Unaware at the moment of who I'd run into, I hastily back away and was apologizing in a tumble of words before I finally looked up only to have my words die in my throat. I knew he had been pardoned by the Ministry, a fact that most people despised, and I knew he was basically harmless, but I was still scared out of my wits. I thought I would always be scared of him; he had the mark on his arm to prove what he had been a part of.

As it also dawned on him who had run into him so rudely, he quickly placed that sneer on his face. "Watch where you're going, Granger." Sticking that pointy nose up in the air, he wiped off his clothes where I had touched him.

A sound like a growl issues from my throat, and I stared at him for a while before I spoke. "You should probably watch where you're going. After all, all I have to say is that Malfoy's switched again and you can good bye to your life." My voice came out at a low hiss, and in pleasure I watched as he paled three shades.

"You wouldn't dare." He snarled, his tough boy act not working at all since he had already paled.

"Try me."

With that, I watched as he walked away, his head held proudly as he pretended nothing had happened in public where I showed him down. It was only then that I wondered why he would even bother showing his face in public. He was hated. He may have had, and still does, money and the Malfoy name, but he was still despised for everything his father did. You know as well as I do that his father received the kiss only a month before your wedding, so this would have been the day after I believe. His mother had been let off once Snape had been able to say something.

And for the time being, all I was concerned about was finding you and getting out of the busy shopping center. I didn't care after that instance any more about Malfoy than I ever had before. I should have paid a little more attention to the details in the beginning…

A week had passed. The preparations for your wedding were taking their toll on me. I had so much to do being the maid of honor and everything had to be perfect for your wedding because I knew all of those reporters would show up and start their snapping of photos. So one night I found myself in a bar. Yes, I know I don't usually drink, but I was barely handling everything at the time. Don't blame yourself, it all ended perfectly for you.

I decided it would be safer if I went to Muggle London and to a bar there than in the wizarding world. I wouldn't risk anyone knowing me and I wouldn't be a known sight, so I wouldn't have to worry about the tabloids announcing to the whole world that Hermione Granger was seen drinking just the other day. I think I deserved a break. So I went.

At first it was all good, the bar tender flirted with me and I flirted back, obtaining myself numerous free drinks. I danced with random strangers and I was having a good time. The first time I'd been able to forget about Ron really. But it was only the alcohol having that effect on me. This one guy there had discovered he had an obsession for me, so I did spend quite a bit of the night running from him. That's when I discovered I wasn't the only person with magical blood in that particular bar.

In my attempts to run from the man and keep my eye on him, I would look over my shoulder and run. Assuming that anyone I did hit would assume I was just dancing, or they would move out of my way. Of course, I never thought to consider those stubborn enough to believe they should never have to move. But of course, I would encounter that one person there.

"Granger, really now, you should have learned to watch where you're going." He said with a smirk on his face as he looked down at me where I had fallen. Muttering under my breath, I made my way back to a standing position before I spotted my stalked over Malfoy's shoulder.

Frantically, I grabbed the front of Malfoy's shirt in what I hoped looked like a natural move I would make to everyone else as I began speaking in a hurried whisper. "And if you have any sense of keeping our magic a secret you'll gladly pretend to be my boyfriend long enough for me to get away from a stalker." Looking up at Malfoy's face, I was surprised to see that his face held no contempt what so ever, just a very bemused expression.

"Then I suppose we'll need to make it convincing, won't we?" He said smoothly, and I couldn't help but stare as I watched his eyes, which were actually laughing for the first time I'd ever seen them do so, slowly come closer and closer to my own face. Before long, he was centimeters from my lips. "Don't fight. It won't help." And then his lips were on mine.

Now if you're confused about how far he was willing to go to help me, just imagine my own brain. The cogs were turning as fast as they could trying to determine why he would be so civil today after the other day he was snarling at me in the middle of a bustling shopping center. But before long, my brain shut up as I felt the warmth radiating off of him. It was unlike anything I'd ever felt before. His lips were slow and caressing mine ever so softly, it was almost like he actually cared about me.

After what seemed an eternity, he finally pulled away and I found myself breathing heavily. Looking up at Malfoy, I saw he was also breathing heavily, and he seemed to be just as confused as me. Hesitantly I swallowed, and attempted to say something.

"T-t-thanks, Malfoy." I stuttered out, seeing my stalker walking off dejectedly. As I had looked at him walking off, Malfoy had muttered something, but I missed it, so I looked back up at him. "What?"

As if I'd turn a key, his face quickly shut down and he scowled down at me. "I said, don't ever sucker me into anything like that again. Kissing a mudblood indeed." With those words, I watched as he stalked off into the throng of people, more confused than I'd ever been.

**Author's Note:** So here is the next chapter ) the third chapter will be up very soon also, seeing how as I've already finished it. Chapter Four is going to be worked on today, so I hope to get that to you guys also! As always, let me know what you want and think and all of that stuff!!


	3. Civil Requests

**Out The Door**

**Chapter 3 – Civil Requests**

_By amarthaine_

For the next week, everything just blurred by. I did my preparations for your wedding with no error. Everything was preparing perfectly. The correct gowns had been ordered, the flowers were set, the colors were prepared, I had alerted all the major tabloids, and you were off with Harry almost all of the time enjoying your time together. I didn't blame you guys, I knew you were excited about marrying him. Even if you were so young, you really had a hold of true love.

I was still in a daze from that kiss. It was truly amazing – even Ron's kisses hadn't had an effect like that on me yet. It was so amazing…that I have no idea how to phrase it. I'm supposing it would be like the kisses you and Harry share, but that's only a guess.

Once that week, when I was buying magical supplies, I thought I saw him out of the corner of my eye, but when I turned around to search for him, I couldn't find him. So I had shrugged my shoulders and continued with my shopping. I had stopped and grabbed a bite to eat on the way home, and I walked. I know you think I'm stupid when I say I'd rather walk, but it is nice to be able to breathe the fresh air and have my exercise.

So I made my way to the dingy old apartment I used to leave in, you remember the one? It used to be nice, you could tell from some of the old furnishings, but it had been let down. It wasn't quite a slum yet, but it was on its way. I had made my way to my particular room, all the way on the top floor, the best there was there, and sighed as I noticed that the roof was leaking again because it had begun sprinkling when I was almost home.

Quickly setting everything down on a chair, I pulled my wand out and muttered a few incantations to keep the roof from leaking quite as bad, and to catch the excess rain, I placed pots and pans underneath the worse spots before I took my magical supplies and placed them in the cabinet I had spelled to keep safe from any sort of harm that could come its way.

After I had done that, I had looked around and decided that I really needed to do some cleaning; I had left books strewn about the room as I finished one and simply grabbed another, or my brain became too sidetracked with thoughts that found themselves tied to certain situations in the books. I had used my wand to speed up the process, making it so much easier to dust and not have to worry about sneezing constantly.

Having finished that, I headed into the kitchen and decided to make myself a dinner of macaroni and cheese, mixing in a meat called spam. A couple of months before, I had met an American witch who highly recommended the meal, and after testing the meal out myself, fell in love with it.

As soon as I set the water down on the stove to boil, I heard a knock on my door that seemed it was almost hard enough to take out my door. "I'm coming!" I yelled loudly, hurrying out of the kitchen and through the living room towards the door. Dusting my hands on my jeans I had on, I opened the door expecting it to be you or Harry, only to stop mid smile and hello to see Draco Malfoy standing at my door.

For several long seconds, I stared at him with my mouth slightly open, and my head tilted to the side. After our encounter the week before, I had never thought I'd see him again. I figured he would avoid me like I was the black plague and he was the last sane person on Earth who needed to survive. But there he was, standing outside my door. After a while, I realized he had said something and I quickly shook my head. "What was that?"

Frustrated, Malfoy's eyebrows knit together. "I said, I need your help on something, will you allow me to come in." His voice held no contempt, and at that moment in time, I was truthfully wondering if he even remembered what had happened the week before.

Muttering something, I swung the door open wider and allowed Malfoy into my apartment. Rubbing my nose anxiously, I remembered the water I had put to boil on the stove. "I'll be in the kitchen. I was in the middle of making supper. I'll make enough for two." With that, I hurried out of the living room, allowing Malfoy to look around and amuse himself for the time being.

Reaching my kitchen, I had pulled down the remainder of what I would need to make a meal for both of us, and as I poured the noodles into the boiling water to allow them to cook, I slumped against my counter, pinching the bridge of my nose between my fingers. Everything was just so confusing; it didn't make sense why Malfoy would be coming to me for help, of all people, or why he would come back after the incident that happened last week.

Hearing a crash from the living room, I was pulled out of my revere and quickly jumped out of the kitchen, my wand in hand out of habit from the war. Coming to a stop, I pinched my nose again as I saw that Malfoy had knocked over a stack of books that it seemed he had pulled out and stacked up.

"What the hell are you doing here, Malfoy?" I finally asked tiredly, smiling a little bit as he jumped and turned to face me, his own wand raised.

With a snort, he quickly pocketed his wand. "Don't sneak up on me. And you'll find out eventually."

Rolling my eyes, I went back into the kitchen and quickly dumped the noodles through a strainer and then placed them back in the pot with butter, milk, and a cheese packet. Stirring it all, I put in the meat I had cooked in the oven while the noodles boiled, and stirred it all together. Getting two bowls, I grabbed them, split the continents of the pot evenly, and carried them out into my living room.

I placed one bowl near Malfoy, as he was now sitting in one of my chairs and thumbing through a book, and carried the other over with me to my over stuffed chair in front of the fireplace.

Sitting in silence, I ate out of my bowl and eventually conjured myself a glass of water, watching as Malfoy did the same thing at the same moment. Still, he refused to look up at me and he methodically drank and ate while reading at the same time.

Setting my empty bowl down, I leaned back in my couch and closed my eyes, listening to the noises of the trains, the animals, the couple next door, and occasional noises from Malfoy. After a while, I heard a squeak as footsteps neared me. Cracking my eyes open just a little, I looked up to see Malfoy bending down so he could look at me eye level.

Taking a deep breath, Malfoy closed his eyes momentarily before he let out a sentence in a rush. "I need you to help me crack a code my father left. If we don't, it'll kill me."

**Author's Note:** So here is chapter three! I hope you guys enjoy it and everything. I definitely plan on explaining some of Malfoy's peculiar actions before long, as it will all be revealed within time. As always, leave reviews to let me know what you think about the story!!


	4. Away For a Bit

**Out The Door****  
****Chapter 4 - Away For a Bit**  
_by reallifesucks_

Sighing, the young man unconsciously rubbed his left shoulder absently as he looked up at the sky. It had been so long since he had been to this place, but it felt like he belonged here. Like nothing would ever change. Like he was still…with her. The only one who had ever managed to make his heart beat a thousands times too fast. The only one who he would let rub him the wrong way and have nothing done to her. The only one he really loved.

But the facts stood as they did. It was almost five years to the date. He needed to move on. After all, he had to continue the life his father had planned out for him. No more playing around with that girl he grew up with. He had to marry to better his family, even if that family had ceased to exist. It was the way it was supposed to be.

So there he was in the middle of the street, standing outside the dress shop uncomfortably as he watched the dark haired girl he was with inside. The girl was actually part Veela, but she preferred to keep her hair dark. It helped keep some of the gazes off of her. Over all, she should have been more than enough to please them. She was pleasurable in every way he could imagine. But she didn't have the touch that would send tingles up his spine and cause him to go into withdrawals. The withdrawals he had been suffering ever since he left…but he had too.

It was dangerous enough being back here, back where she could show up any instant and see him. He knew he wouldn't live long if that happened. Yet he was drawn here – it didn't take his fiancé much pleading to get him to come. She wanted to come for the world known dress shop. Deep down, he wanted to come in hope of glancing her, if even just for a second. Looking down at the watch on his wrist, he sighed as he realized it would be forever before she finished trying on every single dress.

Walking to the door, he leaned his head in and caught her eye. "I'll be back. I want to visit some places." She nodded absently at him as the worker brought her another dress, one that gleamed in the light. And he couldn't help but imagine what it would look like on the girl of his past…

Lost in thought, he aimlessly strolled the streets of the busy little shopping center, avoiding anyone who he knew would recognize him. He may have changed a little physically, but he was still easy to recognize. Hopefully, most people would have forgotten about him. If he was caught by the wrong people, they would want to know why he did what he did.

Finding himself in front of a familiar bookstore, he stole a glance around before entering cautiously, every sight inside bringing back familiar memories. The time they had spent cuddled on the chair after hours. The time spent helping her keep up with the place. The time spent with her. That was all he could remember. The moments he held special, even the blasted moment from his second year when his father was there. He may not have loved her at the time, but it was all in the coming. Everything happened gradually.

After coming to a point where he could see the desk, he peeked around only to be disappointed by the fact that she wasn't there working. Perhaps she didn't work there anymore? But that seemed foolish. She loved the place so much. But maybe she had ceased to exist….but he was fairly sure his spells would have warned him of that. They warned him anytime she was in danger.

Coming out, he wondered once again down the familiar streets that seemed like best friends from a younger age. A happier age when nothing mattered. But then he got what he wanted – and what he feared. A glimpse of that bushy brown hair turning a corner. Unable to resist, he quickly hurried that way. He needed to see her, be sure that she was safe and okay. He needed to see that she had moved on more than anything. It would give him the closure needed to move on himself.

But rounding the corner, he had no such luck. She was with the boy who lived and his little wife, a small boy trailing behind them, placing his hands on everything only to have them slapped away. She herself seemed to be half empty, wandering around in a daze that was obscuring half of her day.

Resisting the urge to run and wrap his arms around her, he stayed in the shadows, following the group as they walked along, the purpose of his intent gaze lagging behind every moment, her eyebrows furrowed as she looked around her slowly. Eventually she came to a dead stop, and he knew that she knew. She knew that he was there, watching her.

Turning a complete 360 degrees, she froze slightly when she saw him partially behind a doorway, and quickly set off at a run to where he was. But with a flash, he disappeared around the corner, thanking whoever was listening that he had always been a faster runner.

Halting, she gasped desperately as she looked around the corner. She knew she had seen that flash of hair. She knew she had seen that face before it disappeared. She knew that she had seen and felt those eyes boring into her back. But he was gone. Like he never existed. But she just knew…

Pinching the bridge of her nose between two fingers, she quickly hurried back to her friends. The gangly man looked at her questionably, but shrugged it off as he saw the look of concentration on her face, knowing he would never get through her. Taking his sons hand, he hurried him into the Quidditch shop leaving his wife with their friend.

Jumping as a hand was placed on her arm, the brown haired girl smiled weakly at her friend. "I promise Gin, I'm okay." Standing up straighter, she gestured to everyone around her. "The fresh air really is helping."

"I'm not convinced Hermione. I know you. That look. If it affects you that much, you don't have to tell me. I don't want you going into your own world again. Not that again. I can't stand to see you in the pain." Ginny pleaded with Hermione with her eyes, trying to get her friend to look at her. But she wouldn't. It was a lost cause already. Sighing, she followed her husband and child into the shop, knowing it was useless to talk to her friend already. She'd find out the memories that plagued her soon enough. She didn't need to push her.

But her friend was already thinking back. She knew she had seen it. She had seen those sea foam eyes that could pierce her soul. The skin that could not be that pale and be human. The platinum hair mused by the hair flicking in sight as he rounded the bend.

She knew she had seen Draco Malfoy.

**Author's Note:** So I hope you like this. I'm not really sure...but I felt a need to show part of it from his view then her life a tad outside the writing. Just how empty she really is. And I've noticed my chapters are quite short, so I'm giving you an option. Update more often with short chapters or longer wait with longer chapters that are two combined ) just let me know in reviews and as always, R&R!!


End file.
